Those Who Get It

Have you ever had people look at you funny when they invite you and your kids to ‘come by the house any old time’ and you inform them that you would have to go over first, then gradually start bringing the kids over a course of time? They don’t understand. They don’t get it that just because their house is safe for their kids doesn’t mean it’s going to be safe for yours. Just because their kids can go to new places with no problems doesn’t mean that yours can. And when you try to explain it to them they blow you off. You can see it in their eyes; they think you’re being over-protective or that you’re blowing things way out of proportion. Maybe they think you’re trying to come up with an excuse not to go.

Here’s the deal folks. It’s no excuse. I rarely take my kids to someone’s house if I haven’t been there before. The only time I ever have is when I know the people who own the house and I know they would understand my kids. Even then, my husband and I take turns keeping a close eye on them. Things can get out of hand really fast with my kids. The kind of out of hand that may require a visit to the emergency room.

So, tonight, when we were leaving a friend’s house, and I invited the lady of the house to come over to my place with the kids sometime, I understood the look in her eyes. That half haunted look. That fearful look as she told me she would have to come over by herself first because she’s never been there. Then, and only then, could she start to bring the kids over little by little. Her kids have various special needs too. But, just because mine do as well doesn’t mean that my house is safe for her kids. She will need to inspect, point out problems so they can be taken care of, and negotiate ground rules for visits to my house.

I get it. Believe me I do. And the last thing we want to hear is “Oh, they’ll be fine.” When I hear that it’s a red flag, and it sends me running. It means that person I’m talking to isn’t likely to take any of my kids’ many problems seriously, and that can result in tears, if we’re lucky, to injury, or even death. I’ve been in that situation before, having to explain to the ER doctor why my 6-year-old is in hypertensive crisis. Or why my 3-year-old needs her stomach pumped while they prepare the surgical suite to remove a portion of her intestine in emergency surgery. Or explaining to the cops why need to start searching RIGHT NOW.

So, if I step on a few toes, or hurt a few feelings, or lose a few ‘friends’ it’s a small price to pay for the safety of my child. And if I have to wait a few months to have a friend over with kids in tow it’s worth it for the safety of her child.

And if you don’t get it, go stuff yourself.